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Cross-dressers are not necessarily gay. The incidence of homosexuality or bisexuality among cross-dressers is same as in the population in general.

Although cross-dressing is a sexual fetish for some, the vast majority of men do not experience any arousal as a result of cross-dressing.

It is simply the exploration of feminine self-expression. Some men find that cross-dressing makes them feel relaxed and helps them with stress.

Not true. Most may only dress up occasionally -- some men often wear women's underwear under their clothes. For both the cross-dresser and his family, it is not an easy thing to deal with and it is very common to experience a sense of despair.

My client loves her husband and does not want to leave him. After some counselling sessions with both of them they have reached a level of compromise.

For now, he will only cross-dress occasionally when she is not home and she needs some time to adjust to this newfound knowledge about her husband.

It is essential for a family member to become informed and educated by reading relevant literature to understand and come to terms with such a challenging situation.

Professional counselling is a valid consideration but there are also more cost-effective options. There are several support and social groups for cross-dressers and their family.

The members are familiar with the issues that arise and can share their experience and offer practical advice.

Cross-dressing should not be mixed up with being transsexual or transgender, i. It is my job as a counsellor to normalise the situation for each individual and work with them to find out what it means to them and why it is causing difficulties in their life and relationships.

Australia edition. News World Royals. Politics U. And I can see how that can lead to a quick and nasty divorce. We are not the same person.

We become femme, we act femme, and we have a femme name, etc. I am not masculine when crossdressed. Crossdressing, and the reasons and motivations for it, are many and for those of us who do it, it is a complex phenomenon.

As crossdressers, we thrust an unasked for identity upon our significant others. Most of our wives are not lesbians, some are bisexual.

Some enjoy a crossdressing husband, others hate it, and still others actually just tolerate it. One of the better books on this entire subject was written by Richard Novic, MD.

He is a psychiatrist in LA who has really led a balanced, interesting life, and he is a bisexual crossdresser; so am I. For the truly transgendered, finding life balance is absolutely essential for long term happiness.

Finding a partner, whether trans or not, is hard enough. But for a few of us, being trans actually enhances the husband-wife relationship. I really believe we owe it to any of our partners, be they men or women, the chance to know who we are before they take the plunge and get married or cohabitate.

Peace be with all of us…namaste. My wife and me have been married for 18 years. She knew about my cross dressing before we wher married, and she is OK with it.

I would never pas in a million years so I do not leave the house, Dressed that is. I do under dress as often as I can, and my wife is OK with that.

My wife says that she is in love with ME and not my clothes. I love thiis woman very much, I would do anything for her.

I am over 60, and retired, so I do have more time to dress. I just wish I met her many years before when we where both a little younger.

My first wife, Married for 9 years, did not aorove of me dressing, so devorce it was. Jaime, her perspective is essence of unreasoned emotional reaction common to all bigotry.

I would have no problem with her emotional reasction had she kept it a private matter between her and her husband. Instead she took her husbands privacy and splattered it all over the world.

What are her intentions? Wow such a wide range of emotions and opinions here. One that seemed to be missing and if I missed it sorry is that Dee is providing us with a valuable perspective that was real and intimate to her, and is unfortunately shared by many.

It is important for us to know and understand her feelings. It is these feelings that most of us have felt from others, not understood, and why I have gone to great lengths to hide my true self for almost 60 years.

I have held my secret deep for as long as I can remember. Mostly because at the age of 5 my mother who had supported the behavior for a while outed me to my uncle and then proceeded to let me know how bad and wrong I was.

Her perspective helps me understand what my wife of 37 years probably experienced 30 years ago. She now supports me fully, but I know it was not easy for her.

This last word. Dee, you lost the opportunity for a truly, caring and appreciative lifelong partner. As a crossdresser since I was a little girl I have to respond.

Creating the illusion of being a woman for a period of time has been the goal. I have no idea. The only thing I can compare it to is quitting smoking.

You will use any excuse to keep on puffing. I have thought long and hard on the why. Came up with zip, with this execption. Unfortunately, there are no male clothing options available to satisfy this desire.

We have grown so close and now share and contribute to eachothers desires. Final note. I have to admit that I was somewhat surprised to see that you were contributing here today.

I saw your site a few years ago and, honestly, I thought it was pretty antagonistic…. In your testimony, I really wondered if there were alot more details that were ommitted?

You said that. Life was good and we were deeply in love for over a decade. Many believed, as did I, that we had it all.

Even Cinderella could not have asked for more. Then your husband shows up in lingerie and all bets were off. You saw it as betrayal.

After we were married a couple of years and before we had kids, my wife told me she was having an affair. Do you suppose that was a violation of my trust?

Do you think I felt betrayed? You know what, we worked it out because fundamentally we loved each other…sort of the way you described your marriage I might ad.

I forgave her and we grew from it. I completely understand the issues so many wives face. I think anything can be worked through if both parties are committed to do the hard work…and both parties can actually emerge better than ever for it.

Anyway, welcome and congratulations on taking this bull by the horns in this group. I have been married twice, five years the first time and heading to my 16th anniversary on my current.

I told both of my wives well before we married and my first wife eventually used the information to hurt me and very fortunately my second and current wife eventually embraced it.

I can understand why a cross dressers wife would be upset finding out after the fact but what is the real issue?

If Ms. Levy really loved him the way a married couple should love each other if not why bother staying married she would have done everything she could to come to a place where they both could be comfortable in each of the special things they both had.

And when I shop I make sure she always gets a couple of things too. Dee, cross dressing males-who are not tg-cross dress because they enjoy it. Only a well advanced transsexual can pull that off and look sexy-besides a genetic women, that is.

It sounds like you had a pretty bad experience with your former spouse. I have to ask what you have to offer to spouses who are not angry but who, with their trans spouses that would be me want to make a go of things?

IMHO you seem to be painting with a pretty broad brush. I saw nothing redeeming about the web site. First of all a cross dresser is by literal interpretation a transvestite, Fetishistic is a slur by any interpretatation.

Dee, Wow! Eight comments to this point. That is more comments than all of my TGForum monthly articles have garnered in the last year.

Dee thank you for opening a very interesting can of worms. I wonder how many of your critics above bothered to take the time to visit your website?

My visit proved very informative. I will certainly point my wife to your site. She learned of my crossdressing about seven months after we met and five months after we started living together.

Our relationship may not have lasted to marriage if she learned my sexual desires were more focussed on her undies than on her.

I am looking forward to your future columns. Sounds to me like you should have split at the 10 year mark and made everyone happier. My ex conned me for about 7 years, saying she accepted, while carrying on with a co-worker, and enjoying the security of the home I provided.

Rather than live their own lives people often try to live an image they believe their culture and society has them destined to be.

This image is a fantasy. All humans are complex. They are not gears machined to mesh together. Cross dressing is an ancient and revered practice.

It was widely practiced in Elizabethian theatre as well as modern Japonese theatre. The woman to whom I was married for eight years knew about me the two years we dated before the marriage.

As it turned out, neither one of us could handle it. For my part I lied and lied that I was just heterosexual cross dresser. In reality I wanted to be a woman.

She saw this long before I admitted it to myself. Indeed, she suggested the sex change operation years before I had the courage to even think about it.

After she worked that out of her system and I had the operation, we got together from time to time as friends and remained so until her death in from complications due to diabetes.

Why would you not disclose the truth to someone you choose to spend your life with? California boy is right. And there are millions of cd wives who feel betrayed, lost and devastated.

Also, DJ, sure you are entitled to have your opinions; however, there is no need for name calling. One key factor for healthy communication skills is to speak to others in a respectful way.

The way you would like to be treated. This is not right or fair yet it is the truth. What young girl dreams of her Prince Charming wanting to wear her bra while making love to her?

Its not so much about the dressing, its about the breach of trust in a sacred relationship. I know I would not want to live with a partner who held that over my head day in and day out.

So many of us in our young adulthood still believe that we can leave dressing behind at anytime. Forgive us for a delusion of youth.

Most of us get older and wiser. I believe you are seeking validation for you leaving him and not trying to help others. Quite honestly my dear I believe your cross dressing husband is married to a drama queen.

Would that have sent your husband running about the house screaming and crying? Cross dressing for a man-one who is not transsgender-is simply somnething he enjoys, like fishing or bowling or is simply a hobby.

In fact you might enjoy helping him pick out clothes. For fun, set up a make believe run way in your home and let your husband strut his stuff.

I bet in a few years it will be an olympic sport. You must be logged in to post a comment. Subscribe to the following: Receive special notices about new products and deals from our partner TheBreastFormStore.

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