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Stop beating start cheating

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It is a truth universally acknowledged that secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone. But not only are a cheater's secrets not fun, they're rarely shared with anyone.

A cheater's secrets can often be revealed through their recent calls list, in text messages on their phone, or a private folder in their email.

But a locked phone especially, Susan Winter said, is a dead giveaway. Cheaters tend to put some pretty intense privacy setting on their personal lives too, so it's not just their romantic happenings they'll keep to themselves, Winters explained.

They prefer to keep all personal details such as things about their family, who their friends are, and where they work on the DL, too.

You might recall this trick of the trade from the teen dramedy "John Tucker Must Die," but apparently the three-time cheater's strategy of calling his three girlfriends "baby" and "sweetheart" wasn't just clever writing, it's a legitimate tactic cheaters use to make sure they aren't mixing up your name with their other partner's name.

Winters said cheaters will latch onto cutesy nicknames like "baby" and "sweetheart" so that the odds of a slip up are in their favor.

Don't feel bad if you've ever fallen for a cheater's false promises and lame excuses for canceling plans in the past. It's easy to do because they're eerily good at it.

So good, in fact, that LeslieBeth Wish, a noted psychotherapist, author, and founder of Love Victory said cheaters will sometimes lay the groundwork for future lies ahead of time in order to cover their tracks later on in the relationship.

What's even more disturbing about cheaters is that not only do they know wha t to say, they know how to say it, and how to carry themselves so that their body language doesn't give away a lie.

In the beginning of every relationship, there's a honeymoon phase when everything's coming up roses, and you can't keep your hands off each other.

Eventually that all dies down, but even though you might not be showering one another with the same attention or affection that you were at the start of it all, typically some kind of spark is still burning.

But if your partner starts seeing other people behind your back, don't be surprised if the first sign of infidelity is distance. When you reach out, you get no reply or told they'll get right back to you — which they don't," Wish explained.

You've heard the phrase "it's not you, it's me? Nothing a cheater does is your fault, but the second they start rationalizing their affair aloud to you, it can be easy to forget they acted on their own accord.

Once they start making you doubt yourself, it could be a sign your partner is trying to get inside your head and make it so that you blame yourself for their "needing" to cheat.

Let's say you ask your significant other about a single friend or co-worker they've been cozying up to or talking a lot with recently.

Are they quick to change the subject? If so, that's a blatant red flag your partner might be doing something suspicious. Cheaters "deflect pointed conversations by changing the true subject and always minimizing their actions," award-winning therapist and survivor of psychological abuse, Shannon Thomas told INSIDER.

Cheaters, like bullies, are fueled by power, and drawn to risk. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them.

Then you can focus on figuring out why your husband is cheating and if he is willing to stop so that you can work on repairing your relationship.

Take some space. Though you may feel needy and desperate, take time to work on you. You need this time to gain back your self esteem and to work on what is really important to you.

Get a new haircut, or buy yourself some new clothes. A little change on the outside can sometimes make you feel better on the inside. Start doing things just for yourself.

Take time every day to read a book, or join a club so that you have something to look forward to outside of your marriage. Confide in a couple of good friends or family members, as you will need a support group during this time.

Approach your husband. If you act right after finding out, you are more likely to act out of anger or desperation, which will only push your mate further away.

Find out how he feels about the situation. Try to talk as calmly as possible. Start seeing a relationship counselor. A counselor can help you to work through your fears and anger.

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It's easy to do because they're eerily good at it. So good, in fact, that LeslieBeth Wish, a noted psychotherapist, author, and founder of Love Victory said cheaters will sometimes lay the groundwork for future lies ahead of time in order to cover their tracks later on in the relationship.

What's even more disturbing about cheaters is that not only do they know wha t to say, they know how to say it, and how to carry themselves so that their body language doesn't give away a lie.

In the beginning of every relationship, there's a honeymoon phase when everything's coming up roses, and you can't keep your hands off each other.

Eventually that all dies down, but even though you might not be showering one another with the same attention or affection that you were at the start of it all, typically some kind of spark is still burning.

But if your partner starts seeing other people behind your back, don't be surprised if the first sign of infidelity is distance. When you reach out, you get no reply or told they'll get right back to you — which they don't," Wish explained.

You've heard the phrase "it's not you, it's me? Nothing a cheater does is your fault, but the second they start rationalizing their affair aloud to you, it can be easy to forget they acted on their own accord.

Once they start making you doubt yourself, it could be a sign your partner is trying to get inside your head and make it so that you blame yourself for their "needing" to cheat.

Let's say you ask your significant other about a single friend or co-worker they've been cozying up to or talking a lot with recently. Are they quick to change the subject?

If so, that's a blatant red flag your partner might be doing something suspicious. Cheaters "deflect pointed conversations by changing the true subject and always minimizing their actions," award-winning therapist and survivor of psychological abuse, Shannon Thomas told INSIDER.

Cheaters, like bullies, are fueled by power, and drawn to risk. This kind of behavior, however, is a reflection of something deeply rooted inside of them.

Amazon Prime Day. Insider logo The word "Insider". Close icon Two crossed lines that form an 'X'. It indicates a way to close an interaction, or dismiss a notification.

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Julia Guerra. Snapchat icon A ghost. Cheaters like to keep their personal lives private. Then you can focus on figuring out why your husband is cheating and if he is willing to stop so that you can work on repairing your relationship.

Take some space. Though you may feel needy and desperate, take time to work on you. You need this time to gain back your self esteem and to work on what is really important to you.

Get a new haircut, or buy yourself some new clothes. A little change on the outside can sometimes make you feel better on the inside. Start doing things just for yourself.

Take time every day to read a book, or join a club so that you have something to look forward to outside of your marriage.

Confide in a couple of good friends or family members, as you will need a support group during this time. Approach your husband.

If you act right after finding out, you are more likely to act out of anger or desperation, which will only push your mate further away.

Find out how he feels about the situation. Try to talk as calmly as possible. Start seeing a relationship counselor.

A counselor can help you to work through your fears and anger.

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